A senior family member has moved into a room or suite in a retirement residence. All the belongings were sorted, packed, stored, or donated to a family or a charity. Some family members packed the boxes; the movers came.
Now everything is piled in the new place. The senior is facing dozens of boxes and feeling overwhelmed.
Moving into a retirement residence can be an emotionally complex experience for an elderly parent. They may experience an overwhelming mix of feelings, including excitement, apprehension, sadness, and loss of independence. Several factors contribute to this emotional turmoil:
- Loss of familiarity: Leaving a long-time family home can be challenging, as family members may fill the ancestral home with cherished memories and possessions. Moving into a new environment means adjusting to new surroundings, routines, and neighbors, which can be daunting and disorienting.
- Fear of isolation: The prospect of being away from family, friends, and familiar social networks can be distressing for an elderly parent. They may worry about feeling lonely or disconnected from their loved ones and community.
- Loss of independence: Moving into a retirement residence might be perceived as a loss of autonomy and self-reliance. This change can be difficult to accept, as it may signify a decline in physical or cognitive abilities, which can blow one’s self-esteem and sense of identity.
- Anxiety about the unknown: Uncertainty about what life in a retirement residence will be like can fuel anxiety and apprehension. Fear of the unknown and concerns about fitting in, making new friends, or adjusting to new routines can be overwhelming.
- Concerns about the quality of care: An elderly parent may worry about the level of care and support they will receive in a retirement residence, especially if they have complex health needs or have heard negative stories about elder care facilities.
- Financial stress: The costs associated with moving into a retirement residence can be substantial, and concerns about affordability and financial security can contribute to stress and anxiety.
- Guilt: Some elderly parents may feel guilty about leaving their family home or burdening their adult children with managing their care and well-being.
- Grieving the past: The transition to a retirement residence can symbolize the end of a significant chapter in an elderly parent’s life, leading to grief and sadness as they come to terms with the passage of time and the inevitability of aging.
Acknowledging and validating these feelings and providing support and reassurance during this challenging transition is essential. Open communication, empathy, and patience can help elderly parents gradually adapt to their new living situation and ultimately find comfort, security, and fulfillment in their retirement residence.
Moving an older parent is when a family member or friend can assist with settling. It would be even more helpful if this same person also helped with the preparation and packing.
Organizing the Unpacking
Professional movers know enough to place furniture first and bring in the boxes. If family and friends do the moving, try to make sure that happens.
Consider the following suggestions before starting to unpack:
- Decide with the senior how their companions will tackle the job. Family members probably discussed this before the move, but it is a good idea to summarize what will happen and in what order.
- Finalize the placement of any furniture. Make up the bed, put cushions on any chairs, and put towels in the bathroom. That instantly says ‘settled.’
- Position any pet items in an appropriate place. For example, place a litter box or food dish where they will stay.
- Test the phone and the television. If the staff were scheduled to be connected and are not, call in a service request immediately.
- Check toilet grab bars, handicap ramps, and other retirement home conveniences if these are functional. You can even measure if the slope meets the ADA standards with the free ramp slope calculator online.
- It is usually easiest to fill empty closets quickly, whether the clothes were packed and need hanging or if they were carried over on hangers.
- Fill the dresser and cabinet drawers, including the bathroom. Companions should have labeled the boxes well, so this is an easy job.
- Put any dishes, kettle, toaster, microwave, etc., in the kitchenette if there is one.
- Place any lamps in appropriate places and test that they work. Electrical plugs are often connected to wall switches.
- Ensure at least one clock is visible, working, and set to the correct time.
- Leave any small breakable items – China, figurines, knick-knacks – until deciding where they will go is easier.
- As the boxes are emptied, break them down and, if possible, move them out of the room.
- Take frequent breaks, perhaps getting a cup of tea in the residents’ lounge.
- Just do what she wants, making suggestions only if asked. There is nothing placed that cannot be moved later on.
Try to do only some things at a time. If the room or suite is comfortable, the rest can be left for the next few days. Be sensitive to the physical and mental fatigue of the senior. Your senior family member needs a chance to catch her breath.
A Follow-Up to the Move
Before the senior is left alone, ensure she knows the time of the next meal and how to get to the dining room.
- There are a few follow-up suggestions that will help settle the senior.
- Return the next day or two to help finish unpacking in stages.
- Hang pictures when the senior family member has had time to decide what goes where on the walls.
- Check if the cleaning and dining routines are working out as expected.
- Make sure there is a calendar of events in the room, and discuss what might be interesting.
- Phone daily for a few days to check that she feels comfortable, is going to meals or needs anything.
Then, it is time to resume a routine of visiting or phone calls so the newly-moved senior can begin this new phase of her life.
Helping elderly parents transition to a retirement home requires patience, understanding, and empathy. By actively involving them in decision-making, addressing their concerns, and acknowledging their feelings, we can ease their anxiety and help them adapt to their new living situation.
Providing ongoing emotional support, encouraging social connections, and maintaining regular contact can go a long way in ensuring that they feel connected and cared for. By fostering a positive outlook on this new chapter in their lives, we can assist our elderly parents in embracing the opportunities and support that a retirement home offers, ultimately improving their quality of life, well-being, and sense of belonging.